When it comes to attending religious services, one should be
willing to be there. I was forced this week to attend a JW service meeting. I
didn't want to go, I wanted to stay home and enjoy time alone. I have been
feeling like stopping my attendance for a while now, but kept going anyway, and
facing spiritual consequences. Last night I took initiative and said I didn't
want to go, but I got nowhere, I had to go I was told. I enjoy the people at
the Kingdom Hall, but their beliefs are not for me. I belong to Christ through
Christianity. I belong to the belief in the Trinity, despite not actually being
Bible based, and the capitalization of Holy Spirit. I belong where I can do
what God asks of me. I am to be a leader, not a submissive woman to the whims
of a man.
I cannot say that the Witnesses are completely wrong, for
they are not. They do things that we all should do. One such thing is actually
witnessing. That is what every Christian is called to do, however most
Christians do not. I discussed this in my last blog post with the Armor of God.
I know my religious path in life, despite not knowing
anything else about my life. I know what is asked of me, and I cannot help but
feel certainty at the thought. i also cannot help but feel that my family would
not feel the same way about my path. I have gifts only I have from God, I was
specifically designed for. Whether I am truly an angel born into flesh, or if
it is just my imagination working in overdrive, it matters not. Either way, I
am more special than most people, and I do not say this to boast or make other
people feel something special towards me or anything. It is simply a matter of
fact. At least in terms of God, and what he asks of me in terms of service,
this is true. I have gladly accepted the task he has chosen me for.
I know the New Testament says a lot about a woman being
submissive to her husband, but it says the same thing, though not as much and
not exactly worded that way about the husband to his wife. It is an equal
partnership. There is nothing that says a woman cannot be a leader. It says
nothing of only men being leaders, and women being submissive to a man in
leadership position, at least not the way we view submission. After all, we are
supposed to listen to what the leader says and follow those orders accordingly
no matter who the leader is or what sex is under he/she. Indeed, this is the
case with the Jehovah's Witnesses. Women cannot be elders, they cannot travel
to give talks, nor can they even give talks. They are limited in what they can
do in the congregation. It shows how much I do not belong among them.
The more I attend their meetings, the more I grow in my
faith and it shows how unyielding my faith is. If I were not strong in m faith,
or didn't feel that I am right, that i believe the truth, I would not still be
feeling my faith as strong as it is. I love God, and trust in him telling me
which religion I should follow. He tells me to stay strong in that which I am
already strong in. He tells me my truth is The Truth. I feel alone, for I am
not following the crowd, or in this case my family, since they are the majority
and I am the minority. I am not even really a part of my family. I have to rely
solely on Christ and God for everything. I have to do things harder than other
Christians because I do not have any fellowship with fellow believers, any interaction
with them is done through this blog and facebook. I have no other kind of
interaction. I feel alone and I feel helpless. I feel that I cannot share my
thoughts and feelings with my family. I feel like an outcast. I know of no one
to relate to or draw strength from. I know that I am never really alone, of
course. Christ and God are always there, but in the human way, I am very much
alone, yet I stay strong because I have to.
I seek the comfort of my Prince, Christ. He, i know I can
always rely on. He loves me in a way no one else does and no one else can
possibly understand. He gives me the comfort, strength, and compassion I need
to continue to stay strong. I love Christ in a way I can never love anyone
else. I love God more so. I am closer to them than I can be anyone else. This
includes my family. In fact this difference in religion has driven us farther
apart, despite the love we have for each other.
I love my fleshly family (adopted, earth family) more than I
can even explain. My life might had been without a love for Christ. My
grandparents brought me up with a love for Christ. My parents do not share in
that. I have accepted, however, that my fleshly family will not be a part of my
heavenly one. My grandparents might, but that is all. My fellow believers shall
be my family, and I cannot wait to meet all of the ones I have yet to meet.
I cannot wait even more to finally see the I love more than
anything except God: Christ. I hope that I get to live to see him return to
earth, though I doubt it.
I know that I get caught up in the way of the world. Such as
with the books I read, the movies and TV I watch, and the music I listen to. I
do enjoy Christian approved things as much as the unapproved ones too.
Sometimes I spend more time enjoying them the unapproved ones, which is always
good. We are supposed to be in the world, but not a part of it. It is difficult
not getting wrapped up in it. We all have computers, cell phones, iPods,
tablets, ereaders, etc. I have a laptop, cell phone, iPod, Kindle, tv that i
can only watch movies on, and tons of movies and tv series on DVD and VHS. Yes,
I still watch VHS tapes. They were around longer in my life than DVDs and now
we have Blu-ray discs, but I can't afford to get into that yet. We all enjoy
life's simple pleasures. We must be careful though, not to get too involved in
them and make them more important than God. Nothing is more important than Him.
The world can get us so wrapped up in it that we get led from God without even
knowing it. I got like that and guess what? Nothing good came from it. All I
got was heartache and pain. I didn't live for God, and I didn't live a
Christian life. And, this was after I had committed my life to Christ and was
baptized. Think about what that says to God. It says he is just a fad. God
isn't a fad, he isn't just a phase, and we cannot treat Him as such. We must
live for him, and stay strong through our faith no matter what obstacles are
thrown in our way. We must also keep a close of true fellow believers around to
help keep us on our path. Mine may only be available through the internet, but
they always come through for me when I need them to. They always know what to
say to keep me afloat until I can get to land.
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